Funny Food Philosopher T-Shirts

'I figure that by the time he develops significant arterial damage, I'll be long gone.'

'If God had meant for me to eat Brussels sprouts, He would've put me in Belgium.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Carpe pizza"

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

The Politics of Food.

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"First you make a roux."

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'