Funny Food Philosopher Pillows

'I figure that by the time he develops significant arterial damage, I'll be long gone.'

'If God had meant for me to eat Brussels sprouts, He would've put me in Belgium.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"Carpe pizza"

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"First you make a roux."

The Politics of Food.

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."