Funky Historian Gifts

Hieroglyphic disco dancer

Archimedes statue with a lever

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other lik

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'Right - I'm going to sue the water company!'

Ransom Library. Oh, that's just Henry … He's a history buff. Wild West.

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

A caveman attempting to make a cart

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"You look good for your age."

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

Useless-memory lane

"We thought it would be more fun than just walking the plank."

Preserved head and mobile phone.

Cat scratch fever

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

A man searching an Egyptian tomb finds a Shriner hat and car.

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

Skunk in library reads from the '10 Best Smellers'.