Fund-raising Scientist Pillows

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

Lincoln v. Douglas - 2020

"After spending thirty years creating models of early universe formation, I began to suspect that my work didn't make a shred of difference."

Bacteria fame at last.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

'Hey, guys, come over here. I just discovered the telescope.'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"This medical dictionary has had it's appendix taken out. . . !"

It takes more than imminent danger to convince a true skeptic!

Campaign Trail

"As usual, you're confusing your right to have an opinion with having your opinion respected."

'Good Lord, what is it this week? New equipment for your kid's soccer team?'

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

"Stacy. Stacy. Honey... You're not a doctor."

"Curses! You have thwarted my science-based argument by quoting scripture! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

"I have a CD available with all proceeds helping to alleviate suffering in the jazz world."

Donald Trump Wants To Ruin Bigger and Bigger Things

'... And what makes you want to work on the 'Genome' project?'

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

If Isaac Newton had lived in present-day America.

'Yes, we're having another fund raiser but, please don't give! Who cares if honest intelligent radio goes silent forever?'

Atheist Richard Dawkins attacks Pope's beliefs.

Wise Guy Cookies.

'It's pure psychology - as soon as I've finished my sermon on coverting wives and wordly goods. Get the collection plates round'.

I started a Gofundme page to finance my writing of the great American novel. In the comments section everybody told me to go fund myself. Actually, they didn't use the word fund.

'And how many cookies can I put you down for?'

"My paper will revolutionise our perception of core scientific principles..."

"The local karate club must be fund raising again."

"The shock of an unsolicited grant was just too much."

Which One Polls Better?

'What do you suggest we do about this?' 'How about a jumble sale?'

"Dad, would you consider a leadership gift to my snowboard capital campaign?"