Fun-loving Churchgoers Gifts

Church Fete: Guess the sexual orientation of the vicar and win a jar of piccalilli.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Four Chanting Monks

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"Let's start a small group."

Minister's File

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

A virtue of vicars

Curate talking to miners

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

'Welcome to our first ever... Casual Sunday.'

Ding and Dong.

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"