Frustrated Policy Holder Pillows

'I'd like to be frozen until health insurance will cover my pre-existing conditions.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Consortia set to take over

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

Sacking a unprofitable patient

Benchwarmer.

Car Dealer

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

Misread medical policy.

"Your guess is as good as mine, but yours isn't covered by insurance."

'The best part - it has health coverage.'

'Are you sure this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'