Insurance Frustration Fighter Pillows

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

The Public Option

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'