Insurance Irony Lover Pillows

This policy they sold me is for if I'd broken a ski!

'There's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that you're very ill, and the bad news is that your medical insurance has expired... Oh I'm sorry, did I say there was good news?'

Nurse. It's from your insurance company -- A "Get well-final notice" card.

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

'Planning permission was no problem but I'm having a hell of a job getting insurance for it!'

'Everything checks out OK...let's see your proof of insurance.'

"I hope that's not a brand name. My insurance company will only cover the generic."

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

"Sorry, Mr. Simon, but your company's dental plan restricts us to the use of these African Tick Birds only..."

"And while it is terminal...the good news is that it's covered by medicare!"

"I agree, laughter is the best medicine...unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover that!"

"Your HMO offers a vasectomy for $18,000 or a wedgie by Lennie for $14.95."

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

"You're operation went smoothly, but we're very concerned about some post-surgical insurance complications."

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'Looks like another cancellation notice on our car insurance...'

'Don't worry. This will hurt your insurance company more than it will hurt you.'

Larry knew how to close a sale.

Yeah, your rates are very good, but your ads on TV just aren't funny enough

"Of course, this policy will exclude flood damage."

"And that plan covers Acts of God, right?"

'We covered, officer. We're just having a hard time finding our insurance card.'