Insurance Irony Appreciators Pillows

'Your health plan covers everything but your deductible is equal to your net worth.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

65 Million Years Ago

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

Caution (arrow falling from sky sign)

Now that we've developed lungs, it's only a matter of time before we feel guilty about not exercising.

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

Wine taster with mineral water

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'So who's smoking?'

"Is your dog friendly?"

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

"Let's see, this one is cherry flavored, I think this one is blueberry ..."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Are you free at the moment?'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

"Whoever said 'There's nothing new under the sun' first, was a hypocrite."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'Doctor, I'm tired all the time.'