Insurance Frustration Fighter Gifts

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'