Frustrated Banker Gifts

'It doesn't look good, Sir -- they're all bringing back their toasters!'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

Another Rogue Trader

"We've got an application from a bank asking if we'd like to sponsor a branch."

Car Dealer

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

Anger Management - Now Treating Fuel Price Rage.

'About my accrued holdiay pay...can you mail it to my offshore account?'

"We fire pound coins at each other at high speeds and hope for the best ..."

Extreme Accounting!

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

'According to my bank statement...THEY are overdrawn.'

Bank Checking and Savings. It's a new policy, sir --- There's a substantial penalty for any kind of withdrawal.

Home-Town Savings: A super-conglomerated financial company with a local-sounding name designed to put you at ease while we play with your money like a drunk tourist in Vegs.

'Jason feels insecure if he's too far from his money... but electronic bank statements have cured that!'

Forgot My Mother's Maiden Name.

Dog makes a bank deposit.

Bank Checking. Ah, just the person we wanted to see. The good news is we've named a computer glitch after you.

Bank Manager: 'No, you cannot give your money a hug.'

'I tried to take some money from the kitty like you said, but she wouldn't let me!'

'That must stand for Very Annoying Tax.'

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

I need a credit card, I'm tired of my cheques bouncing.

Bank Punch

Been looking at some used cars, Ernie? In the beginning there was Hyundai Genesis. Then I saw a Mitsubishi Mirage, but it disappeared before I could get a closer look. I was considering a Dodge Charger but it relocated to Los Angeles. And a Bronco was too many bucks for me. Then I found a great Ford Escape to buy. But in the morning the garage door was broken and it was gone. I think the universe is telling me to stick with my bike.

"You're darn right I'm angry: my reputation has been ruined by my behavior."

'Grumbling about interest rates' account

'You don't qualify for a loan or a credit card. We can, however, over you a free bank calender.'

'Can you believe this bank? . . . Yesterday they refuse me a loan, today they send me a leaflet for a loan.'

The Property Ladder

Metropolitan Bank and Trust you as far as we can throw you company

"Your call is important to us, just not as important as whatever else we're doing."

"Give me a sec and I'll check your order."