Frugal Fancier Gifts

"I'd have gotten you a nicer card if you'd had more money in your wallet."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

'I received your list of the type of company car you'd like to receive. The Maserati, Ferrari, Porche and Viper isn't possible, but there is a 1978 Pinto with your name written all over it.'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Everything for a buck.

Electricity Bills

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"That's too big a pill for me to swallow, Harold!"

"Is that neat whisky?"

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"For Pete's sake, Helen, will you break down and buy a hair dryer!"

Pandora's box.

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

How to do without

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"