Frugal Adventurer Gifts

'I know we've got to save money, dear, but can't you use the phone like other people?'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"I've just had a look at my revised pension forecast..."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"This is as close as I get to a trip to Florida?"

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Come dine with me!

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You owe me five bucks."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"The pizza came late and it was cold!"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Tzatzikicicle

"You're about to learn what New York hot dogs are made from."

Pizza Tower Bridge

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

Anti-inflammation recipes

"They know me here."

Cheapskate Cruises

Captain Hook's lesser known brother - Captain Spatula

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"We succumbed to your hype."

Try our new genetically engineered produce.

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

International House of Excrement