Friendship Guru Gifts

'I think you are taking this Boatswain's mate thing a bit too seriously sailor!'

'No body likes me.'

'If you were your dog, would you pick you for a best friend?'

See Saw

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Relationship Warning Lights

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'You know too much!'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

$1: Family Secrets

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."