Friendship Dynamics Analyzer Pillows

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

The army and the church are in love with each other

"Juicy worms?! Oh yes, they're my favourites too..."

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"You seem calm above the surface, but underneath I feel as if you're paddling like hell away from me."

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

'What's Fred doing here, and why is he so happy?", "His wife gave him the evening off for good behavior.'

"What do you mean, you didn't know I wanted a divorce? Don't you follow me on social media?"

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

Look...a friendly face.

"My boyfriend is insanely jealous. He does nothing all day but watch cartoons and plot revenge on any other men I talk to."

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

'Mismatched Mantras'

"It is not you. It is we."