Friendship Dynamics Analyzer T-Shirts

Hey, Rudy, I hear you've got the day off on Wednesday. What's it to you? I thought we'd hang out together. Say it again? Just the two of us, hanging out, doing some shopping, spending quality time. Sorry, I must have something wrong with my hearing. It'll be fun. You little @#$%. Commit! What's your game, you old bat?!

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

Intelligent Sexual Design

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

The army and the church are in love with each other

"Juicy worms?! Oh yes, they're my favourites too..."

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"You seem calm above the surface, but underneath I feel as if you're paddling like hell away from me."

"It's the story of a woman who's driven to murder by her patronising, mealy-mouthed husband."

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

'What's Fred doing here, and why is he so happy?", "His wife gave him the evening off for good behavior.'

Look...a friendly face.

"What do you mean, you didn't know I wanted a divorce? Don't you follow me on social media?"

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

Summarizing the obvious: The gang, lost in Nowheresville, Utah, was saved by the spirit of Sadie Cohen, warning them how to get to safety. But how, and why? Stow it. Sadie and her spirit couldn't stand the idea of being without us. It would've left her with no one to despise. I feel so needed. My spirit is on lockdown!!!

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

What wives say and what husbands hear.

"My boyfriend is insanely jealous. He does nothing all day but watch cartoons and plot revenge on any other men I talk to."

"It is not you. It is we."

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.