Friends With Pets Pillows

"Do you think those sounds they make are some primitive attempt to communicate with each other?"

Bitchbark Canoe

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"This never happened."

Raised by Dogs

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

PET THEORIES

Pet Entertainers

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"You're completely screwed up."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

Labrador Non-retriever

"What's all this?"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Dog scared of a toad jumps onto a 'Beware the Dog' sign.

Cat king.

"I yip, therefore I am."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

'Who handles your media, Rex?'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"He wants a second opinion."