Friends Facing Mid-life Gifts

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

When Seniors Fly

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Cashflow - The milkman is here.

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'In denial and loving it!'

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

De Luxe Model - Cupholders.

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

A middle aged cow.

Same Sexless Marriage