Friend Who Appreciates Medical Humor Gifts

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

Happy Birthday to you.

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Time for your pills.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Gross."