Friend Of The Absurd Gifts

'Well, that'll be an expensive bit of fun, buddy!'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"He was a sea rescue."

"Now you can send it."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

Salvador Dali's cats.

Operation.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"What a way to go."

Baseball.

UFO and snowman

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

The Hypnotato,

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

Magnet at scrapyard

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Trapeze artists commuting

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

The Bonvoy Age...

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."