Friend Gathering Gifts

'Just for once, can't we have a picnic without your mates turning up to crawl all over the food?'

'When you come over, bring your computer. We'll sit around and swap data.'

'I've got to go. 2000 is company. . . 3000 is a crowd.'

'We've just been invited to a 'bring a bluebottle' party!'

'You were here for dinner just two weeks ago. That's what I call a fast recovery!'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Hi-yah!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Can I give you a slice of the action?

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

The prying mantis,

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

The devil you know and his plus one

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."