Frequent Flyer Nightmares Pillows

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

"Would you like some wings?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Flight simulator'

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

Homing pigeons in therapy.

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Airport security - next step?

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

Excess Baggage: You wonder where folks are traveling to that they need all that luggage...

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

"If I hear one more buzz I will pull this car over!"

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

Airplane Catches Woman's Washing.

Image of Santa on a plane with a reindeer.

'Test Pilot.'

"Our maintenance crew is fixing a problem that should only take a few minutes but which will haunt you for the duration of the flight."

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'

I know it's a "pet," and I know it's a "carrier," but you're still not putting it on the airplane.