Frequent Flyer Woes Pillows

"Hell has changed its format. Instead of fire, it's now an eternity of dealing with, and flying on, an airline."

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"Would you like some wings?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Flight simulator'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

"Emotionally, I'm checking three bags."

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

Airport security - next step?

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"If I hear one more buzz I will pull this car over!"

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

Image of Santa on a plane with a reindeer.

Airplane Catches Woman's Washing.

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Over five thousand so far - how many frequent-flower miles have you got?'

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

I know it's a "pet," and I know it's a "carrier," but you're still not putting it on the airplane.

'You want a shuffle flight to Buffalo?'

'No, we don't get frequent flyer miles!'

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'

"... and there's a nominal fee for that emotional baggage."

Beverage Service "Distancing"

"Please pay attention as the stewardess demonstrates our new procedure for drunken passengers"

"We didn't drag you off the plane. That WAS your frequent flyer reward."

"We didn't drag you off the plane. That WAS your reward."