Frenemy Fun Gifts

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

"How should we divide the teams?"

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'Hello Satchel's imaginary friend.'

'You're an inspector now?'

Skateboard Olympics.

'You have no idea how difficult life can be when one is totally irresistible to men, Jane.'

'What's my fortune then?!

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"Can I borrow this or are you going somewhere?"

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

"It gets to the point where fans don't respond the way they used to. You need an edge, something more..." Cougar Charlie goes public about his long-standing battle with drugs.

High energy drinks

'It turns out that in direct opposition to the purpose of the threat level system, Satchel has been providing material support...'

'My God, Brad... You really don't like them, right?'

'This is going to be a long day.'

'Just so i'll know you can't resuscitate a grape-nut, right?'

"Mr. Stephenson is the subject of a widely anticipated obituary."

Congratulations- Wholehearted/Tinged with Envy

'I can't believe you just said that Satchel's writing is better than mine.'

"Buckled up for safety, Slim?"

'You say odd things.'

Sculpting a Totem

"I'm really glad she didn't come. She's got a new mink coat."

"It's not enough that I fly first class...my friends must also fly coach."

'You'll be happy to know I gave your dog self-help book to someone who'll know how to put it to good use. . . the garbage guy!'

'Someday I will beat you in a staring contest.'

"Wow, when did it start letting you 'enemy' people?"

"I agree that racism is terrible, and I sympathize with your struggles, but Jesus Christ Larry, do we really have to talk about it?"

"I finished all my holiday shopping." "I put cyanide in your coffee."

"Look! Here comes Ms. Celibate by choice."

"I want to get Rudy a Christmas gift....Then I can remind him for years that I bought him a gift and he didn't buy me one!"