Frenemy Banter Enthusiast Gifts

"I want to get Rudy a Christmas gift....Then I can remind him for years that I bought him a gift and he didn't buy me one!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

'Hello Satchel's imaginary friend.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'You're looking well.'

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"