French Art House Gifts

'The mARTyr'

Larry's used art

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think he was a celebrity."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Misunderstood artist

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Madame Rejane- Famous French Actress in the Part of Madame Sans Gene

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, will you help me take down my drawings? I'm selling my catalog."

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

I painted them all from memory.

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

Shakespeare Quote

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

'Quick, press control Z!'

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Art of Surviving

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

"Outré or simply bad?"

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

"I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

Painting

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...