Freeloader Chuckler Pillows

'If this prescription doesn't help, go to Maggie Brown's party next week. There'll be a specialist there.'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Fancy a swift half?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

Yoga - moooooooo.

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'Pool closed 3pm to 6pm. That's when we wash our sheets.'

'Do these burgers taste funny to you?'