Frat House Legend Gifts

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Old frat boys.

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"I always thought of my childhood home as being larger."

'Anyway. Long story short. It turns out that I am not, in fact, Spiderman.'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Frat House Feng Shui

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

Castle Cat Flap

"That's the famous Josh—a high-impact body harboring a very low-impact mind."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

Canine Frat Parties

"She doesn't seem to want to tell us why the price is so low."

'If she goes, we go!'

"Now that I've moved my files down here to the basement, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

I wish somebody had told me "Prince Charming" is an ironic nickname his fraternity gave him!

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

"Sure, we hobnobbed, but we never networked."

Tearing down and building walls.

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

"The dog training class we sent him to is working, he has just texted to say he wants to go walkies."

"The HOA is bustin' my chops about my paint colors!"

"Gretel, I don't like living in this culture of fear."

Chicken of the Woods

'Huck me.'

'Gary is a model at a company that designs fun house mirrors.'

Brett Beer: It's the best beer to ever make me ralph. And I've ralphed a lot.

"Whoa! Turns out you're sixty-four percent douchebag, Kyle."

goldfish swallowing has never become passe at Kitty Kat Frat.

Stick Man in the Fun House.

Kappa Delta Cosa Nostra