Frat House Legend Gifts

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"I always thought of my childhood home as being larger."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Frat House Feng Shui

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

Castle Cat Flap

"That's the famous Josh—a high-impact body harboring a very low-impact mind."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

Canine Frat Parties

"She doesn't seem to want to tell us why the price is so low."

'If she goes, we go!'

"Now that I've moved my files down here to the basement, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

"Sure, we hobnobbed, but we never networked."

Tearing down and building walls.

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

"The dog training class we sent him to is working, he has just texted to say he wants to go walkies."

"The HOA is bustin' my chops about my paint colors!"

"Gretel, I don't like living in this culture of fear."

Chicken of the Woods

'Huck me.'

Brett Beer: It's the best beer to ever make me ralph. And I've ralphed a lot.

"Whoa! Turns out you're sixty-four percent douchebag, Kyle."

goldfish swallowing has never become passe at Kitty Kat Frat.

Stick Man in the Fun House.

Kappa Delta Cosa Nostra