Foul Play Aficionado Gifts

Kicker hits too hard.

"Tommy!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'AQ popgun? I want a field model Browning pump chambered for the 3-inch magnum load.'

'I'm afraid it's gingivitis.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

Veterinary Clinic: We Accept Mastercard or Mistresscard.

Big deal - a guy writes a couple of plays, and suddenly he thinks he's the spokesman for his generation.

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

"It's wearing a bit thin now, Peterson."

Blue Tit Bank.

"Sheesh Kebab"

Ask a Silly Question, Get A Silly Answer

'I didn't know trampling was a foul.'

Sock drawer.

clown trophies

"It's from my Swiss account."

'Where's Beiber?'

Arthur Miller.

Monkeys Steal Quicksand Sign.

"No, I meant 'Duck'!"

On that fateful visit to the supermarket, it was Tongue's misstep that would lead to a fall, a lawsuit, and an eventual catch-phrase.

'At the Spoonerism cafe...' 'Ah - here comes my carrots and peas.'

Trump Welcomes Erdogan to the White House

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."

'Your blender makes good lemonade, Mom. Now, can we make some alphabet soup with your word processor.'

'Of course you can play with fire Dear...'

'Can of worms - do not open!'

'I told you this would happen if you kept leaving your clothes on the floor.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

Around the horn with Henri Matisse

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"Well, I'm sorry, Wendell, I just assumed you knew you were a frill."

Diner Grammar. Barley Soup. Mmmm, hearth! Barely soup. This is watery.