Fortune Humor Gifts

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Asking out a palm reader.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Pie Filling Reader

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'Your future looks charming.'

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'