Comedic Fortune Enthusiast Gifts

'According to this rubbish I'm going on a long journey.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Get me public relations!'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

'The cards say 'buy' but the tea leaves say 'sell'.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'I had a rough year in the market. I can't attract gold diggers anymore. The best I can hope for is a silver digger.'

'The red phone is my grapevine to Andrea Mitchenll, who hears it firsthand from Alan Greenspan, who hears it first from Ben Bernanke.'

'Sorry, but sorting through garbage bins for food is pretty much what the future holds for you...'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'Don't add potassium nitrate to anything this year.'

'See many bathroom breaks in near future after eating Moo Goo Gai Pan.'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

'What makes you think they're modern fakes?'

"My third and final wish is for money and wealth—again!"

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

"The wealth inequality is a good lesson, since a bullish portfolio will make you rich, not happy."

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

"Woah!! Rayna is speaking in tongues!"

'Your reckless nature will lead to good fortune and misery for millions.'