Fortune Teller Aficionado Gifts

"Sorry, but my WiFi is down."

'What makes you think they're modern fakes?'

'You're going to spend the whole winter shovelling snow.'

'The red phone is my grapevine to Andrea Mitchenll, who hears it firsthand from Alan Greenspan, who hears it first from Ben Bernanke.'

'See many bathroom breaks in near future after eating Moo Goo Gai Pan.'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'The cards say 'buy' but the tea leaves say 'sell'.'

'Sorry, but sorting through garbage bins for food is pretty much what the future holds for you...'

'In Asia today, the Shanghai stock index closed lower on rumors of a fortune cookie shortage.'

'Don't you like to do anything illegal or immoral?'

"The worst case scenario is Trump gets elected and tried to fire Putin."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Asking out a palm reader.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Pie Filling Reader

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'