Fortune Teller Enthusiast Gifts

"For a minimal fee, we can download more predictability."

"This will help you make unbiased decisions, AND stay cootie-free."

"You will live a short but fruitful life."

'Your reckless nature will lead to good fortune and misery for millions.'

'Don't add potassium nitrate to anything this year.'

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

And Amanda will be handling stock futures.

'You will be suddenly called out on a 4 alarm fire!'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"You should have about the success as last year."

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Pie Filling Reader

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'