Fortune Gifts

"Ambitions... to find fame or fortune or better still, with a little luck, both of them."

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

"I think I've already had my fifteen minutes of fortune."

Typical body language 1 hour after major Lottery win.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Asking out a palm reader.

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

Pie Filling Reader

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'Your future looks charming.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'