Fortunes Gifts

Two psychics have shops next to each other; one advertises "Second Opinions".

"Nicky Suspenders is lying. He knows where the money is hidden."

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

'I see your future investing in a fortune telling business!'

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

'I see you crossing a road...'

'Quick, send an ambulance.'

'Your wife says she's been watching you, and there are a lot of things you need to work on.'

"Wait - your future isn't dark and empty. I forgot to plug this thing in."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

Asking out a palm reader.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Pie Filling Reader

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Windows or Mac?