Fortunes T-Shirts

Two psychics have shops next to each other; one advertises "Second Opinions".

"Nicky Suspenders is lying. He knows where the money is hidden."

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

'I see your future investing in a fortune telling business!'

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

'I see you crossing a road...'

'Quick, send an ambulance.'

'Your wife says she's been watching you, and there are a lot of things you need to work on.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"Why bother?"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Pie Filling Reader

"It will be all your fault."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'