Good Fortune T-Shirts

Man gets millions of one-of-a-kind mutant walnut.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Asking out a palm reader.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

Pie Filling Reader

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'Your future looks charming.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'