Former Governor General Gifts

Michaelle Jean goes job hunting.

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"He was sent here from the future to terminate me, but then he really got into grilling."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

"And this is Helen, my wife by a previous marriage."

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

Jerry Brown.

'And do you, James, believe you deserved that beating Annie gave you for inviting your ex-girlfriend to the wedding.'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

Parson and abandoned husband

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"So I gave her the 2-diamond love-and-BFFF ring and she grave me a big kiss, sold it, and went on a cruise. That's bad, right?!"

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'It was a very strange divorce — the judge got custody of my wife.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'