Form Philosopher Gifts

'You forgot the form number? No problem- Just fill out this form number request form.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

The Googler

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Screen Time vs Book Time

"You need to justify your own existence first."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Remember, it's Boy, Girl, LGBT, Boy, Girl, LG . . ."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."