Footie Technophile Gifts

'Frank Lampard's brought his own touch-line technology with him this time.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

Treble

The guy who took a wrong turn off the electronic superhighway and wound up in a microwave oven in Davenport, Iowa.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

Fan-Centric Stadium

Football Crazy.

U.S. World Cup Frenzy

"A three letter word. . . all powerful colloquially known as 'the man upstairs'."

Computer Head

Wilfried Zaha

'Hey, Dad! How about a round of computer golf?'

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

Footballers - Henrik Larrson

Copier is hypnotizing office worker.

The Line-up

Millwall - Hard Hat Area.

"Won't be a minute Boss, just nippin' to the karzie."

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

"There was excitement at the match today, when a discussion over a VAR decision was interrupted by football breaking out on the pitch..."

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

'You're never alone when you've got a phone.'

Referee

Sam Allardyce

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

We're replacing you with a robot that also does nothing, but does it more efficiently.

"I have no problem with A.I."

"Careful how ya handle 'em Joe! They like to follow one another but they kin also turn nasty mighty quick!"