Footballer At Heart Pillows

"I've had David practice his long throws in training!"

Football Fans

Fly Football

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Saving a Heart

Football

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'