Football Fanatic At Heart Pillows

"I think the vicar's taking things too far."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Football Chameleon

If nobody had invented graphics

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Raheem Sterling

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Bears

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Uptight End"

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'