Fanatic Footballer Pillows

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

I like the Jets...I guess

Bowled over again!

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Raheem Sterling

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Kenny Dalglish

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Currently Boston

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'