Football Devotee Pillows

"Sometimes I question his priorities."

'Quick! -- Who won the last eleven World Cups?'

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

Football Delivery

Pernille Mosegaard Harder

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Raheem Sterling

Bears

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

Football

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Uptight End"

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Kenny Dalglish