Football Faithful Pillows

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'He doesn't even talk to me during half-time commercials any more.'

'I don't think I'll ever really be happy again.'

I like the Jets...I guess

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Punt Cake

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

Raheem Sterling

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Football

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Bears

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Uptight End"

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."