Football Pundit Pillows

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Crucified for off-air comments.

'Put the kettle on darling.'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

Free Speech has heavy price.

Mudville

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'This mindless blather is edited for TV.'

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

World Cup. Half Empty.

Match Fixing in Malaysia

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"

Ostrich with head buried in newspaper

"Oh no! It's foot 'n' mouth season again."

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

Vernon Trunick with the 3 O'Clock Report

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

Newspaper circulation gauge.