Pool Pundit Pillows

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool!"

'My first drink since my accident.'

'You drink like a fish.'

Mudville

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

"Oh no! It's foot 'n' mouth season again."

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

"He sold his fresh water before it melted."

7 Dead Twits Pub & Alehouse - 'He's paying.'

'Put the kettle on darling.'

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"What happened, honey? Was your team defeated again?"

Crucified for off-air comments.

Pound sign about to be crushed by a 1 Ton Trade weight

'That's a no-brainer, Tom.'

'I can't find today's weather report. I guess I'll just make it up. Hahahaha!'

'Muriel told me that men are all alike - That's kind of reassuring, actually.'

"O, that we could harness this wisdom."