Pool Humorist Pillows

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

'Distracting the fish.'

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

Guide fish.

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

Another hot flash?

Shark Chum

Fish Farm.

'Have you ever wondered how deep the ocean would be without sponges?'

'Which end's the shallow end?'

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

How Lawyers Evolved.

Need to turn up heat(fish crowd heater in aquirium).

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

Tentacle attacking diver.

A Classic Goldfish Game.

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

No petting in the pool!

'You see these things, you don't bite them, you suck them out...'

'I wonder why goldfish are gold.' - 'So they don't rust.'

Acme Coffee Co.

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

"You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming..."

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'