Swimming Pool Humorists Pillows

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

Guide fish.

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

Another hot flash?

Shark Chum

Fish Farm.

'Which end's the shallow end?'

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

How Lawyers Evolved.

Need to turn up heat(fish crowd heater in aquirium).

'I wonder why goldfish are gold.' - 'So they don't rust.'

No petting in the pool!

'I'm a Pisces.'

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

Tentacle attacking diver.

'You see these things, you don't bite them, you suck them out...'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Acme Coffee Co.

A Classic Goldfish Game.

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

"You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming..."

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'Like it or not, I'm having a guys night out. I'll be at the sand bar!'

I think the dolphins are my favorite football team! I'll explain football to you. First, don't worry about the word "tackle" -- It has nothing to do with fishing equipment. And "The Big Tuna" isn't like us -- It's a nickname for Coach Bill Parcels. Touchdown! And 80-yard pass play! I'm confused. It made no sense when they said the quarterback was "going deep."

"Is 'Upstream' where we really want to be?"

Oddly familiar formation.

A fish wearing scuba gear.