Football Junkie Pillows

"Coach is it time to send him in?"

'They not only beat us - in the third quarter their mascot ate our mascot!'

...Another second closer to kick-off....another second..

I like the Jets...I guess

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Punt Cake

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Bears

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Football

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Raheem Sterling

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Kenny Dalglish

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'